Review – Ryu Ga Gotoku: The Movie
- Ethan Cole

Highlights: Detractors:
  • Goro Majima
  • I didn't pay too much to see it... at least not economically
  • Poor quality
  • Seemingly half-assed effort on Miike's part
  • No tits
  • Shoddy action

Kazuma Kiryu, recently released from prison wanders around a super-saturated Shinjuku district.  Aside from getting into fights he encounters a bunch of people from his past and some new ones – along the way getting involved in a number of fights.  There’s other shit going on that’s unrelated to Kiryu in this giant clusterfuck of a movie.

The game was heralded as a representation of the Yakuza – its structure and a sense of history with it complete with depth and a solid story.  This was thrown away for the movie.  In it’s place we’re presented with a robbery in progress that almost seems like a setup for a bizarre porn movie – not helped by it’s stellar set design with the three robbers yelling at each other endlessly and everyone sweating buckets (since the cooling system is bust).  Meanwhile, the cops all cram into a barber shop akin to a reverse act of the circus gag offloading an army of clowns from a bug-sized vehicle.  These elements are simultaneously pointless and not funny.

Despite this movie being a total joke, there are a few scenes that work as entertainment and are actually funny when it’s meant to be.  This is due in part to Majima, as he’s the only real personality on screen.  However, unlike the game there is no menace or any reason to take anything seriously, especially when taking into account the cartoon comedy – such as whacking a baseball from the back of someone’s skull – perhaps if his head were to split open like a watermelon there may have been some slight implication of danger.

One would expect more from Takeshi Miike, but this would be those who’ve only seen his good movies: Ichi the Killer, Audition, Gozu.  As opposed to his other stuff which is mostly terrible and unwatchable (not because of the content) - see Masters of Horror as an easy example.  But no doubt there’ll be some punks foolish enough to think this mess is worthy of praise, and right it off to Miike’s style which is supposed to demonstrate his versatility.  It’s not.  Unless versatility is synonymous with shit, as littered throughout this hack job is a myriad of high-school film enthusiast [class] edits consisting of the typical long running static setup (as which do not build atmosphere or show ‘a slice of life’), lazily edited quick cuts and inconsistent camera work.  And if you’re thinking “no you just didn’t get it”.  Shut the fuck up.  You’re wrong.  This is essentially a rush work with the stylistic touches of some what-in-the-name-of-fuckery TV show complete with an abundance of slapstick stupidity.  They go as far as having Kazuma down a Power-Up Drink.  Even the execs behind the Tomb Raider movie knew that such a game-device is a stupid idea.  However, it does keep inline with the stupidity that is the rest of the movie.

The online prequel videos for the first game are on par with the typical online tie-ins of other games, but the same quality can’t be said for this feature length ‘movie’ – which is barely serviceable given its departure from the mood and style of the tone of the source material.  Even with the limitations of “last-gen” PS2 graphics the games cinematics are more powerful and well conceived, full of focus-pulls, dramatic lighting and strong sound work (not withstanding the English dubbing).

The cast for the most part is good; particularly since they lent their likeness to the game – and unfortunate in this case that they’re wasted in such a lame movie-product.  The exception to this would be Yui (Saeko Doukyu) who’s so fucking annoying even tossers with yellow-fever hitting the mute button would get pissed off.  Hitting mute or just plain fast-forwarding is warranted for all her scenes as they have no real bearing on the plot (using the term very loosely here…).  The story is so convoluted that even familiarity with the game doesn’t help, as such; in its disjointed and poorly structured state it fails to serve as even a highlight or “best of” moments from the game.

The weak action scenes are only watchable as a result of inclusion of the over amped sound effects from the game.  In addition to this is the sound track – which is greater than the visual material it’s supposed to be supporting.  The opening tries to be clever and cut well like a music video but isn’t anything above amateurish.  Similarly, the disconnect is also evident in the lack of characters and motives. For in the game Majima – due to his ties to Kazuma, feels he’s the only one that’ll should be allowed to kill him, as for the movie… it’s hardly conveyed as clearly… But then again nothing is.  Haruka is still wondering around – here it almost seems aimlessly.  On the plus side, the damn corgi isn’t as annoying as in the game.  Nishiki has no presence until the end – but by this point it’s hard to give a toss as you sit through a bunch of disjointed poorly shot and executed fight-scene. 

What could have made this worth recommending and actually entertaining: over-the-top blood shed.  But there isn’t any to speak of, there’s blood – but nothing more than you might see on family-friendly prime-time TV.  It’s unlikely this will be distributed outside of Japan, though even if it were to be released as a free extra with Ryu Ga Gotoku 2 (or maybe Kenzan) it wouldn’t be worth the disc and packaging; even as a coaster it would still be a rip off.

Ryu Ga Gotoku: The Movie is evidence that it’s not just Hollywood that can [and will] fuck up a game adaptation.  Whilst a low budget and limited release is understandable, the final product being a sub-par piece of shit is not.

Recommended For:

Alternatives:

Rating: 3.0/10
Cumjackulation Rating: 4.5/10
(ratings explained)