Review – Assassins Creed (PC)
- Ethan Cole
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RUNDOWN
Play as two pawns - one in an immersive digital dive into a probed genetic memory environment simulation, the other: the future where the stupidity pawn genes have taken full hold of a dumb-bartender lab rat.
STORY
Supposedly secret until released (for some reason); the Animus – the selective genetic memory tap; the subject Desmond, perhaps the most passive pussy prisoner pawn ever; rarely questioning or resisting the Old-fart but instead yelling at Kristin Bell’s character. Though perhaps, this could be a byproduct of some connection he’s subconsciously established with the Old-fart – what with his constant watching – who knows what goes on between those sleeping/rest chapter breaks.
It was clear before launch that the game was set to be part of a greater set of stories – even so, the plot is forgettable, serving more as a vehicle for gameplay than a proper story – the greater mystery however is interesting, but it’s only evident after you complete the game and read the e-mails. The ending itself isn’t abrupt as one might expect, rather it’s a pace killer – the whole game may as well be an extended demo or teaser, as upon completion: it’s akin to the sensation of “so when’s this getting released?”.
The quasi-philosophical elements come off somewhat condescending, but this ought to be no surprise; since you’re playing a genetic pawn (dominant gene) retard that deserves to be talked down to because if his stupidity – its in the blood, as Altair too, suffers from an overbearing lapdog syndrome, but being early in the bloodline is slightly more resistant.
Initially Altair has the right attitude to some extent; at least in so far of hinting some degree of personality – though ends up merely a narrative device utilized to get the player indoctrinated by way of the change in his beliefs and attitude throughout the game – this isn’t the case (unless you’re susceptible to such suckery – I hear there’s some good UFO/doomsday cults looking for new subjects – how about it? Try and resurrect Heaven’s Gate ey?). It’s a false character arc, from a pissed off punk questioning ‘the ways’ to a matured lapdog to an inadvertent savior of sorts, but it’s acceptable as he has no established motive, thus he’s reduced to a victim of gameplay mechanics than a real character – by some extension an argument could be made in favor of the animus being a highlight reel thereby accelerating character moments in favor of furthering the ‘story’ – this would be misguided; as the ‘character moments’ present are generic.
Similarly the Assassination Targets are themselves pure narrative devices – as opposed to real characters – merely there to service the dropping of some not too subtle hints of something greater [spoiler] one in particular, who I noticed had what seemed to be a larger than normal chest plate [/spoiler], and further that something is amiss – you’re killing caricatures. Arguably this too can be defended (within the realm of the ‘reality’ – not the game’s design) that it’s because it’s a selectively tuned presentation of genetic ancestry.
To some degree, this takes a majority of fun out of the game – perhaps afraid of being dubbed “a murder simulator” – or even sacrilegious extremist tool of mass indoctrination – all possible given the stupid state of present day politics, so an extension of character elements is something that could’ve been gang-fucked and left for dead on the table in the development process. It’s a shame in many ways, given the material itself could easily teeter on the edges of controversy – the fact they played it too safe is a disappointment – there’s something here; worthy of being radical. Were this a movie things would be different, especially when there’s bullshit-fluff like National Treasure and The Da Vinci Code to spew its ejaculate on the masses.
Unfortunately it doesn’t seem as if it was an element of design for the characters to be generic types, as even in the ‘real’ world the bland background of Bell’s charter is brought to light – though her back story is evidently supposed to provide some insight into the company. The only real personality seems to be that of the Doctor Old-fart, who likes to watch Desmond – dropping the odd bits of information, and simultaneously delivers some of the best written lines in the game – further indicative of some sort of committee decision influencing the product.
There were a few exchanges that yield promise, a few of which concern Al Mualim, though this could be due to the fact it was early in the game. Regardless, this Black-Bird prick’s dialog and cutscenes with Altair does enough to warrant and setup (even though it could’ve amounted to more) the control and sleight of hand – appropriately invoking “Nothing is true and everything is permitted” – surprised this wasn’t the game’s tagline (an opportunity lost – no chaote sigil jack charges) it holds much in the way of intrinsic value, but whilst its usage is mandatory there’s just something off about its place – though this could be due to the aforementioned issues with the quasi-philosophical elements. This probably plays differently for non-fringe types – like the general public who discovered The Matrix (or worse… The Da Vinci Code) for the first time; suddenly feeling “ZOMG! d00d I never thought of that before” – false enlightenment. The state of next-gen gaming is such that a release to a wide audience – accessibility is important for economic reasons, thus it’s more or less a logical committee decision for such action, but this is mostly because it’s also forgettable. Additionally this audience may find some twists and great reveals.
PRESENTATION/GRAPHICS
The menu’s are clean – clinical; but unfortunately a victim of an artistic-statement overshadowing game design – having to adjust a majority of the settings from inside The Animus (“the game”) is just retarded, particularly for a PC game where tweaks and customization is mandatory – the lack of intuitive settings is annoyance; rather it’s simplified to basic settings an x-out-of-5, it gets the job done – though not in the form most PC gamers are accustomed to.
The worst offense however is the idiotic and arduous procedure the user has to go through to exit the game (and by the game I mean the actual game, not the ‘hey-look-I’m-making-a-statement-about-simulation’-game that is The Animus).
what the fuck do you think?
Savvy PC Solution: “ALT+F4” – just be sure you recall the friendly saving message came up, otherwise you may find yourself sitting through the same unskippable cutscenes.
Allegedly this PC ‘port’ is a “Director’s Cut” – guess the director wasn’t interested in creating subtitles, either that or it was too much trouble (but more likely dicking around with yet another copy-protection/anti-piracy structured shittery). Subtitles weren’t available on the console releases, given time it took for the game to hit PC’s why subtitles weren’t added is peculiar – not just for PC but as an update for the consoles. A game that supposedly has all these great ideas requires subtitles – even if they’re as out-of-sync as Bioshock.
Altair’s animation is smooth; moving with appropriate anticipation and fantastic fluidity whilst simultaneously he has mass. His over all design is – particularly posture; is cool. From attacks to just walking around and blending in, his movement is unique from other characters. Altair isn’t a hidden-blade in a crowd, and it’s echoed in his behavior as well as his movement. Considering the body count at times, he should be drenched in glorious rusty red crimson – though from a profile-alert perspective in regards to gameplay it might not make too much difference since he looks like a heavily armed monk.
The particle effects present too, are great, especially the blood splatter and spray – using two elements was a nice touch. Other more subtle effects as hay drifting off Altair as he exits the stack and the dust kicked up as he’s walking or running add much to the immersion.
Assassins Creed features some great lighting – stylized in a fairly unique fashion that renders what could be considered a common washed-out environment to something unique; giving the city an added sense of character. The ambient effects too, are incredible – the way dust and smog like elements generate a dense yet beautiful atmosphere, complimented by the warm glow of lamps. Acre is one of the most interesting cities available in the game, given the diversity, free-running options and color palette. The latter makes it more unique when contrasted with Damascus and Jerusalem which seem a little too similar (the former being more yellow and the latter more green). What with the glow of lamps, washed out colours and smoke elements it’s hard not to imagine this is how Thief should have been – in particular the rooftops: The Thieves Highway.
Whilst the cities are full of life and a degree of activity – you wont find any children running about, though this should come as no surprise, as gone are the days of Deus Ex (which still holds up) where you could welcome some little punk to the real world. But then this isn’t the real world but an adapted history (as explained by The Animus’ operation).
The filters in use within The Animus generated environments are fantastic – where as outside The Animus – the grain is nice… The glitches; at times close to desync-ing is a definite cool look that doesn’t distort the visuals to the point that would result in death, but rather adds to an urgency – making combat more exciting. Another cool element is the depth of field reduction during combat; yielding a cinematic edge in addition to focusing the combatants. Further this element enhances immersion for pick pocketing and interrogation missions – an added sense of suspense; you and your target locked – focused.
A few bugs that popped up in playthroughs were: clipping through walls, falling through buildings, and peculiar NPC placement. Outside of crashes to the desktop there weren’t any major stability issues in this user’s XP gaming session.
GAMEPLAY
The controls translate well to the mouse and keyboard setup – no joypad needed; typically the WASD keys control direction, the MOUSE: camera, LMB: right-hand, RMB: modifier, SHIFT – left hand, E – head, SPACEBAR: the feet, 1-2-3-4: weapons, ESC: menu/pause. Though it does feel peculiar holding down the RMB and SPACEBAR to sprint/free-run or gallop – almost cumbersome, but it doesn’t get in the way of actions since the controls are streamlined to the point they feel dumbed down. There’s no Prince of Persia style control for the running/jumping/hanging/climbing here – just hold down spacebar and Altair does the rest.
The cinematic camera and its use of ‘glitches’ is a nice touch – adding an augmented degree of immersion where Altair remains in the players control. However… the lack of an ability to skip cutscenes is practically unforgivable – especially since The Animus fast forwards to a ‘more recent memory’ – skipping out on a lot of the fun stuff; were this more God of War we’d probably have a proper orgy – {insert hidden blade joke here}-{followed by obligatory juvenile ‘sword’ joke}.
The camera is a bit fickle, often times getting stuck up on walls when one attempts to pivot round, or worse during combat when the view becomes obscured by a tree or some obstacle, the latter is more of an annoyance than a problem. The most peculiar is when it switches to the ideal cinematic angle – to best capture the combat in action, in many an instance it more often than not ends up jammed behind some bush/shrub or jammed up someone’s arse.
A cinematic influence is further evident in combat, as there’s less of a focus on any form of combo or combat mechanics and more having good timing to then watch Altair perform a set of moves. The actual combat is a little to easy, especially when Altair regains the ability to counter – which can make the fighting tedious towards the latter portion of the game, but with three weapons to choose from there’s a small option to mix things up a bit.
Fighting large groups of enemies is where the fun starts; and to some extent empowering, perhaps with the exception of the giant circle-jerk. In this moment, some bugs became apparent; shedding light on the fact that should Altair penetrate the fog; he will desynchronize: death. It’s a rare occurance… which happened twice – once during an Eagle-Strike high profile assassination – an epic desynchronizing moment. The peculiar thing is, just when it’s building to more combat and more enemies – it’s suddenly taken away, could easily have fought at least 3 more waves of enemies following this section of the game.
Playing as Altair is like an exercise in pure immersion, where as playing as Desmond is like being slapped awake from a good dream and told you’ve got some menial chores to do. This is due in part to the cumbersome, almost sluggish controls for Desmond, whilst it was annoying to be locked off during certain exposition heavy cutscenes it’s exacerbated as the lab is where the worst instances of camera problems crop up: when in cramped doorways or automatically switching to a cinematic/CCTV-style view – not helped by the sluggish movement of the un-evolved simian-esque retard Desmond (apologies to any simians for the comparison – I can still hear the monkeys – so no insult was intended towards them). Given how sloppy these sections are it’s almost if too – the developers were bored of Desmond and the bland/drab lab environment, even so far as leaving clipping issues with Bell’s character’s dress (less this was fan[boy] service?).
The cities; an open world sandbox environment where not quite everything is permitted to the point where do as thou wilt’ shall be the whole of the law; as you can’t kill ‘innocents’. That of itself is as debatable then as it is now, though that’s hardly relevant within the construct of the gaming environment and Altair’s lapdog actions. One of the issues with the cities is that they’re too similar, as such it almost seems cheap with the ‘memory unlocking’ different districts. It’s a bit of a shame there wasn’t a day/night element as it could’ve added some variety, but perhaps it was confusing from a gameplay standpoint, since Altair isn’t stealthy – maybe the next game when you play as ninjas or something (just without the rape, because as we all know – ninjas are superhuman defenders of truth and justice … and are blonde with green eyes).
The blend mechanic is seamless; playing great when entering a blend with the scholars – proving useful and amping up the immersion. The standard blend itself isn’t too useful depending on your play style as its easy enough to run amok and eliminate any enemies or someone stupid enough to cross you. Additionally, the mechanics involved in moving through the crowd are fluid, effectively conveying pushing through a sea of people or knocking them out the way.
The AI isn’t much to speak of specifically – not that there’s anything inherently wrong with it, rather it’s typical of an open world game of this sort (complete with displays of peculiarity and utter stupidity) the behaviors appropriately adhering to the preset patrol points or dispersing in fear, heightened alert or running for their lives. The combat on the other hand is inconsistent; often standing around waiting to be attacked, although the nuance of an animated taunt on their part is a nice touch. Funnily enough Damascus is supposedly well renowned for its steel, yet oddly its swordsmen tend to be the easiest of the bunch to dispatch. A welcome (from the pure chaos creating side) yet odd element is that fist-fights don’t raise the attention that drawing a sword does – you can essentially beat someone to a pulp without drawing much suspicion; lets it’s a thug, they tend to like to band together, but they don’t stand much chance against Altair’s blood drenched blade.
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New to the PC version are: Archer Assassination, Rooftop Race, Merchant Stand Destruction, Escort. They removes some of the repetition some complained about in the console edition, but unfortunately the Viewpoint Sync (required to locate the missions) cutscene still can’t be skipped. Also added to the PC is the option to choose your destination (outskirts or bureau) upon exiting the castle in Masyaf – the guards by the cliff are thankful. Traveling ‘The Kingdom’ has its moments – mostly the fun is in Templar encounters and mowing into patrols on horseback. Expectedly though you can’t ride a horse into the city. Making navigation easier is the ability to set a custom waypoint – which no open world game should be without, as is the option to zoom in/out of the map (something that overrated Oblivion couldn’t even do… or Crackdown for that matter) so kudos to Ubisoft Montreal.
AUDIO
New to this version; an extension of the multicultural aspect, specifically the inhabitants dialog now feature: French, German, and English accents – half expected “oiy fock off yeh tosser”. It’s a welcome addition. It’d be nice if more games did this – it’s always fun to kill of a UN-styled-politically-correct bunch of enemies – Crusaders especially and Templars.
The wallah and ambient audio is great as are the impacts – both climbing and steel on flesh, with that added stab and crunch of satisfaction. It’s also nice to hear the screams of fallen – but not dead – victims, which can be silenced with your not-so-adamantium-friend. However it’s a bit disappointing that their cries don’t draw more attention – as there’s little consequence to the noise they’re making. A nice touch is the chanting heard when scaling temples/churches. In some instances there’s a significant drop-off of audio and inconsistence in fidelity; almost as if there were some compression issues. Additionally some sync issues – lip and action were evident during cutscenes.
The music is somewhat repetitive and not quite as memorable as the likes of the Prince of Persia trilogy (minus the licensed music in PoP: WW). But what’s here sounds good.
CONCLUSION
There’s very little in the way of replay value – unless you’re playing on the Xbox360 to ramp up your bragging rights with your much coveted gamerpoints. Upon completion of the game you’re able to kill those annoying drunks/mentally-challenged/beggars and civilians without being penalized. Whilst you can’t render the place a ghost town, it’s still fun to cause a bit of chaos and reduce the population of a town square to a plague worthy statistic (guards included; like lambs to slaughter). There’s also Templar hunting to be done – but there’s no indication as to their location (less you check out gamefaqs) so it’s more akin to a random encounter while you dick-around.
There’s a bunch of great ideas laced throughout this game, but it didn’t come close enough to fully delivering on them (which is a shame, because one can see the signs of intent) – even for one who didn’t buy into the stupidity of the hype-hysterics and fanboy-fapping that lead up to the console release – although I almost do feel sorry for the game’s producer. The sequel ought to be the proper/intended experience that the director envisioned – and it should be easier now that the threads have been placed; the most interesting of which: in the project e-mails.
It seems they tried (like many a ‘next-gen’ ‘game’) to make a cinematic experience, and somewhere in between realized that it’s supposed to be a game. In some respects a few elements are comparable to Metal Gear Solid 2; for one: the death’s except the ‘characters’ here aren’t nearly as interesting – but are derivative, partially due to the pillock-styled-pawns that are Altair and Desmond, thus what they’re seeing is being controlled and moderated – paralleling the general audience just fine, possibly putting them in similar shoes to Raiden and the player/sim concept – but not quite to the same convoluted extent.
Given the game’s subject involves probing genetic ancestors it’d be interesting to see if in one of the sequels Desmond would be exploring the world as a kunoichi – not just for the gender-confusion jokes (they can just fast forward memory through the sex and seduction again).
There is something about the game that makes offers an urge to be replayed, but upon acting on it: a bland experience akin to time killing albeit with the odd bit of fun in faffing about as a free-running mass-murdering force of pure refined and utter chaos.
bloody bukkake is a lie
Rating: 7.7/10
Cumjackulation Rating (PC): 7.5/10
Cumjackulation Rating (PS3/360): 8.0/10
(ratings explained)
