2008-08-05

LICK YOUR OWN WOUNDS

We as human beings have to care.  More than that, we gotta care ‘cause we’re all so good and pure man! And we’ve gotta stick together and fight the power man! “Yeah man, cause this is the time of the geeks, we’re cool now”.  We’re supposed to care some more when/because it’s somehow related to ‘video games’.  It’s so hip to be square.  And this won’t be televised – although it might since youtube videos dug up by interns now passes as investigative journalism.  So this here story; now classified as “very sad news”, sad because we all knew the victim, and it’s always sad when someone dies, and since there are people dieing all the time – hello Africa (assuming you have internet) – that it suddenly makes sense why those sappy fucking emo’s are crying and sad the whole time.  No need to worry about global warming and the world drying up – cry a damn river emo’s… Scratch that – who the fuck wants to drink desalinated emo tears – shit might be contagious in this growing era of stupidity.

Here’s just a taste of some comments surrounding a news item:
easy joke: different red ring of death

“Don't even go there... they can't be THAT cold hearted... This is no time for jokes..."
oh no? Here’s a lesson from Dr. Snipes bitch

“she should be in the credits of gears of war 2 with the words in love memory of [#### #####] at the end"
Right, in a game where you can curb stomp people, maybe it should come up as an achievement online, right after you riddle someone with bullets

"horrible, tragic, and very sad"
More words you could find in the thesaurus when looking up 'sad'

"My thoughts are with her. This is very sad news. I hate seeing things like this, what did she do to deserve to be murdered? Hopefully she lives a better life now."
Ah that explains why you're saying something that's akin to being brain dead.  But in this poster’s defense; so distraught as they are; the hope would be for the ‘next life’

But finally a bit of sense from a commenter (the USA part is debatable, I tend to find more interest in the third world murderers – who aren’t necessarily classified as ‘psychopaths’):

"Meh people die every day so this is not sad or even care news for me but yeah i only see these types of things in the USA so i am glad i don't live there. . . seems like any psychopath can get a gun over there. ."

Should go back to stabbings, just like in merry old England – my brother’s a cop; I went on a number of ride-along’s and there’s nothing like a domestic disturbance settled with a good kitchen knife stabbing – it’s far easier to resolve… not to mention guns are so impersonal.  That is something truly upsetting… when people would go as far as distancing themselves by using guns.

It seems that people of this modern era need protection.  They fear everything.  With such tragedy and grim material being reported in the news… something must be done to soften the blow.  Rather than cuddling and coddling these people (it would be troublesome to travel to all their houses) I propose the following form of reporting; something that’s perfect for this era of bullshit blogging that supposedly passes as ‘new journalism’:

News Item #1 (source: Reuters)

The version that’s too SICK and SHOCKING and VILE to handle:
A Thai video game distributor halted sales of "Grand Theft Auto" on Monday after a teenager confessed to robbing and murdering a taxi driver while trying to recreate a scene from the controversial game.

A friendly version; more fit for the internet generation:
A Thai =^..^=  video game distributor halted sales of "Grand Theft Auto" <:-o on Monday after a teenager :~\ confessed :-! to robbing and murdering :p a taxi driver while trying to recreate a scene :) from the controversial game.

Another friendly version, for the web 2.0 generation:
A Thai video game distributor halted sales of "Grand Theft Auto" on Monday after a teenager confessed to robbing and murdering a taxi driver while trying to recreate a scene from the controversial game.

News Item #2 (source: CBC News)

The version that’s too SICK and SHOCKING and VILE to handle:
The RCMP would not confirm the reports of beheading, saying only that a stabbing took place around 8:30 p.m. CT on an eastbound Greyhound bus on the Trans-Canada Highway about 20 kilometres west of Portage la Prairie.

A friendly version; more fit for the internet generation:
The RCMP :-X would not confirm the reports of beheading :*) , saying only that a stabbing took place <:-o around 8:30 p.m. CT on an eastbound Greyhound bus on the Trans-Canada Highway about 20 kilometres west of Portage la Prairie :-/ .

Another friendly version, for the web 2.0 generation:
The RCMP would not confirm the reports of beheading , saying only that a stabbing took place around 8:30 p.m. CT on an eastbound Greyhound bus on the Trans-Canada Highway about 20 kilometres west of Portage la Prairie .

Yeah it’s sad… for the people involved.  And it’s a sad (and by this I mean: pathetic) world we live in.  So: smile you cunts.

- E. Cole